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SPANISH JOKES

Los hombres son como los músicos: Vienen, tocan y se van Men are like musicians: they come, touch and go

Me das tu teléfono? - Sí, hombre, y con qué llamo a mis amigos?

 

Will you give me your telephone [number]? - Yeah, right! And then how would I call my friends?
Niño, no comas mas pasteles que vas a reventar.
Pues dame otro y apartate
Child, do not eat more cakes you are going to burst.
Then give me another and move out of the way.

Hay tres clases de personas - las que saben contar y las que no.

There are three kinds of people - those who know how to count, and those who don`t.

¿Que le dijo un borracho a un recien nacido?
Bebe.
What does a drunk say to a newborn? Bebe.(drink)

Cuál es la mejor manera de volver loco a un hombre?
Quitándole el control remoto.

What`s the best way to send a man crazy? Take away the remote control.


- Doctor, estoy muy nervioso porque es la primera vez que me operan.
- Tranquilícese, también éste es mi primer empleo como cirujano.
Doctor, I am very nervous because this is the first time I have had an operation.
- Calm down, this is also my first job as a surgeon.

Doctor, doctor, no puedo recordar nada.


Vaya, y desde cuando tiene usted este problema?


¿Qué problema?

"Doctor, doctor, I can't remember anything."

"Wow, and how long have you had this problem?"

"What problem?"


¿A qué se dedica?
- Soy traductor.
-¿En serio? ¡Qué bien! Pero yo le preguntaba cómo se gana la vida.
-¿Se refiere a trabajar? No trabajo. Gano tanto traduciendo que no necesito trabajar.

What do you do? - I am a translator.

Really? Great! but I asked how you make a living.

You mean work? I don`t work. I earn so much translating that I don`t need to work.


Doctor, doctor, veo elefantes azules por todas partes.

Ha visto ya a un psicólogo ?

No, sólo elefantes azules.

Doctor, doctor, I see blue elephants everywhere.

Have you seen a psychologist yet?

No, just blue elephants.


Doctor, doctor, tengo tendencias suicidas, qué hago?

Págueme ya mismo.

Doctor, doctor, I have suicidal tendencies. What should I do?

Pay me this instant.


Doctor, doctor, el pelo se me está cayendo. ¿Me puede dar algo para conservarlo?

Sí, claro. Aquí tiene una caja de zapatos.

Doctor, doctor, my hair is falling out on me. Can you give me something to keep it?

Yes, of course. Here's a shoe box.


El pequeño Esteban estaba pasando unos días con su abuela.
Llevaba un rato jugando fuera con otros niños cuando entró en la casa y pregunta:
Abuela, ¿Como se llama cuando dos personas duermen en el mismo cuarto y una de ellas esta encima de la otra?
La abuela se quedo un poco sorprendida, pero decidió decirle la verdad a su nieto de 6 años:'A eso se le llama relaciones sexuales, cariño'.

El pequeno Esteban dijo:'Aahhh, vale!'
y volvió a salir a charlar y a jugar con los otros niños.

Unos minutos después volvió a entrar y dijo todo enfadado:
'Abuela, no se llaman relaciones sexuales,
se llaman literas!,
ah ...y la mamá de Diego quiere hablar contigo'
Little Stephen was spending some days with his grandma..
Having spent some time playing with other children outside he entered the house and asked:
Abuela-What do they call two people sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?

The grandma was a little surprised, but decided to tell the truth to her 6 year old grandson :'We call this sexual relations, my dear'.

Little Stephen said:'Aahhh, I see!'
and turned and left to chat and play with the other children.

Some minutes later he returned and entered and said a little angry:
'Grandma, they don't call it sexual relations, they call them bunkbeds
!,
ah ...and Diego`s mum wants to speak with you'

 

 


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